How to be happy alone? Build your happiness step by step

Do you ever wonder if happiness is innate, and therefore depends on a character issue, or if you can become happy over time? 

In my opinion, happiness can be achieved by building it step by step , improving our habits day by day. 

We are largely architects of our happiness : it is thanks to our inner resources that we can enrich our life experience and be satisfied with what we have achieved. How to be happy alone ? It’s possible? 

The answer is yes , and I would be interested in suggesting a true recipe for happiness , especially if you are among those people who always see the glass half empty, convinced that nothing good can be achieved alone.

What is the obstacle between you and happiness?

Many people believe that happiness is a matter of luck. It is undoubtedly true that this component has a bearing on our experience and can influence our outlook on life.

However, from my point of view, happiness is a habit . Yes, you got it right: it is a condition that is built over time, and not something that happens by chance.

And this is good news, because in this way each of us is able to improve their happiness and their level of satisfaction through the right habits.

The biggest obstacle between us is happiness is the renouncing attitude : in fact, many do not even try , convinced that it is too tiring and frightened by change

It is more comfortable to continue basking in your comfort zone, attributing your unhappiness to external causes or to other people, or settling for a static life, without stimuli or challenges , and therefore without a real path of growth .

In reality, the responsibility does not lie with other people, but ours. There is an important inner work to be done on ourselves : we stop trying to change others and instead start changing our behaviors.

Being alone and feeling alone: ​​a question of perspectives

The great fortune of the human being is to possess truly remarkable adaptive abilities . Know that you do not have to wait to always have someone to do things with: you are a person full of potential and inner resources , and starting your path of change you will understand that what you define loneliness is actually autonomy : the possibility of choosing every day to be happy therefore who you are and with what you have, improving day by day.

Train optimism to be happy alone

It may seem trivial, but building your happiness is all a matter of mindset . As we have mentioned, repulsive and negative attitudes will lead nowhere. 

Phrases like “I’ll never make it”, “I’m not capable”, “it’s not worth it” are counterproductive and can also undermine our relationship life.

On the contrary, if you ask yourself how to be happy alone , I tell you that it is important to start by practicing optimism . To do this, you have to overcome the traditional optimism / pessimism polarity, it is not just a matter of nature: optimism can be trained .

You must know, in fact, that our brain is able to change continuously thanks to neuroplasticity , adapting to the experience. This happens thanks to the repetition of our daily actions , but above all of the habits of thought .

To be able to change, it is necessary to consciously introduce different actions and different ways of thinking . It’s a bit like going to the gym , but in this case the muscles we need to train are those of well-being, satisfaction, gratitude, all that contribute to happiness.

The adjective “happy” comes from the Latin felix , which means “fruitful, fertile”, and in a broader sense “satisfied, satisfied”. Fulfillment, fullness and satisfaction are precisely the result of the regularity with which you nourish your fertile and fruitful interiority: you are a land of fruit.

The 5 scientific characteristics of happiness

Did you know that psychologist Martin Seligman tried to come up with a scientific theory of happiness based on 5 characteristics ? These are five aspects on which a happy life is founded , that is, lived under the banner of optimism and satisfaction

1. P for positive emotions , or positive emotions 

Here it is important to avoid indulging our brain’s tendency to seek negative confirmations, that is, to interpret unfavorably events and situations that are not so serious. Instead, it is very important to practice gratitude

Each of us has many reasons to be grateful, and gratitude extinguishes fear, sadness, anger . Gratitude, hope, joy, do not repress your positive emotions , but let them flow: it will become a virtuous habit of your days.

2. And as engagement , or rather involvement 

Give your potential a chance: try a new activity every day, question yourself , live in the moment and try to give your best in the activities you love and that define you. You will learn not to throw in the towel, even in the most critical situations. 

3. R ​​for relationships , ie interpersonal relationships 

Building a network of enriching and constructive relationships (friends, professional, sentimental) is fundamental: counting on sincere relationships, being part of the successes of others and sharing your successes with others will help you strengthen your empathy and your emotional intelligence.

4. M as meaning , that is, giving meaning and meaning to one’s life 

Make sense of what you do day by day, build your life around your values ​​and your ideals , as they are a great incentive to move forward with commitment and motivation, but above all consistency.

5. A  come accomplishments / achievements

The achievement of one or more concrete goals gives you the energy to raise the bar and do better and better, accumulating successes, increasing satisfaction, improving self-esteem and confidence in your abilities. Also, keep track of your progress in a diary , to understand what are the emotional levers that have allowed the qualitative leap towards your goals.

How and why to be happy alone: ​​to reconnect with the deepest parts of yourself

Nowadays we are no longer able to be alone  and accept the empty moments, which we have to fill with something at all costs. We are bored, and we do everything to exorcise boredom , without understanding its importance. 

Instead, stopping and simply observing is important, because only in this way will we be able to perfect our perceptive capacity, listen to our emotions, improve interaction with the outside world .

Being comfortable with yourself means being better with others

The quality of relationships with others is determined by the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves : relationships with other people always reflect how structured and strong the relationship we have with ourselves is. 

On the contrary, when we know little about ourselves, when the relationship with our interiority is superficial and not very deep , relationships with other people will also be of poor quality. 

We are always too outward -looking and too concerned with impressing others, but we never really look inward enough. For example, the abuse of social networks gives us specious messages and images, models that are unattainable and never really respond to reality.

Let us not be frightened by the dialogue with our interiority

We are probably frightened by our inner gaze , because  we perceive loneliness as abandonment , sometimes failure of our relationships , but this is not the case at all: learning to cultivate loneliness  does not mean giving up external stimuli and cutting ties with everyone. 

Quite the contrary: it means to  train and refine one’s ability to connect with the deepest parts of ourselves to get to know each other better, listen to each other, understand what we really want and what our real goals are.

To get to know your inner universe better, it is necessary to allow yourself a few moments of silence , isolation, reflection and meditation. 

Taking a walk in nature , which has great regenerative power, can help. Cultivating one’s inner self will provide the right resources and emotional tools to grasp one’s own value , to transfer this awareness into daily life and interpersonal relationships.