When the partner cheats on us, he almost always leaves “traces” that help us understand him. A quick but effective guide on how to discover a betrayal.
Especially when you have been with a person for years, it is normal that habits and daily ” rituals ” are established within the couple . Plus, after a long time, you know your partner (almost) perfectly , from his daily routine to his character , preferences , after-work activities and even his friendships . Usually, when a betrayal is taking place, these certainties of everyday life are lackingand this is only the first indication of what is happening. Thinking of being betrayed is never pleasant, because, first of all, trust in one’s partner, husband or wife is lacking. However, if the betrayal is not “confessed”, it is necessary to put in place some technique to find out and understand the identity of this relationship.
Before starting to analyze the various signs that can indicate whether your partner is cheating on you or not, always remember that changes in behavior or mood are not always dictated only by cheating. In fact, it may happen that during a particularly difficult period, characterized by anxiety and stress , a person changes attitude by showing himself more shy and silent. Therefore, if this attitude occurs for a few weeks and no more, it may not be explained by infidelity. To talk about treason, we need more clues and techniques and methods to find out .
1. Sudden changes in appearance and tastes
As already mentioned, after months or perhaps years spent together, harmony and confidence are established with the partner, which lead us to know him “like the back of our hands”. We know what his style of dressing is, what he likes to do or not and which clubs he usually goes to and which ones he avoids. Thus, a distinct change in appearance can be a clear sign of betrayal . For example, choosing to go “drastically” on a diet or follow a certain diet that has never been paid attention to before, and choose very different looksfrom the usual they are elements to reflect on.
Similarly, consider whether your partner or husband is also starting to change tastes , such as music or cinema , or going to different places or even starting to buy new and expensive accessories that he had never been interested in. before then. A latest generation mobile phone as well as a more flashy car or motorcycle is just one example.
What to do: Try asking him some simple questions that seem to be dictated by curiosity and not by suspicion. For example, why did you start to like this band, how did you get to know them? Can you take me to that new club sometime we’ve never been together? If he will answer these questions quietly, without going defensive , and involve you in his activities, then perhaps there will be nothing to fear.
2. New friendships
New friends are not immediately synonymous with infidelity and lover, but it is good to deepen the question. It often happens that new acquaintances are made in our life from which beautiful friendships are born. Furthermore, in the couple it is essential that each of the partners carve out their own spaces at least a few times a week in order to also be able to frequent friends of a lifetime without the assiduous presence of the other.
However, the problem arises if you notice that your husband or partner is not only changing by virtue of these friendships, from the manners to the expressions he uses to speak , but above all that he does not want to “share” them with you. He doesn’t spontaneously invite you to any of their meetings and never tells you anything about these new friends.
What to do: Just like the change in look and tastes, try asking him a few times, without insisting, if he can introduce you to these people who are becoming so important in his life. Again, note his attitude to these simple questions and requests. If you “cut” you completely out of the new circle of friends, there may be a betrayal taking place.
3. Excessive use of mobile phones and social networks
In the age of technology and social media, it is not surprising if a betrayal occurs mainly through these communication channels. The only positive thing is that it can be easier to discover everything always with these means. An unfaithful partner tends to overuse the mobile phone and social networks , especially chats like Whatsapp , and then diligently delete the chats and lock the device with new passwords .
When something starts not working, you can notice how your partner tries not to leave his smartphone “unattended” or to turn off the computer if he moves away from the screen even for a few minutes. Also, he can start adding people unknown to you on Facebook or Instagram, who you don’t understand how he met them.
What to do: discovering a betrayal through mobile phones and social media is never pleasant because it is, in the end, invading someone’s privacy and spying on their “virtual” moves. Try to ask him for explanations and only in the case of a negative reaction try to track the chats on Whatsapp from your computer, download one of the many existing “against infidelity” apps or try to “hide” the smartphone from him for several hours and understand if frustration from not finding the device is due to ulterior motives or not.
4. Mood swings
A betrayal cannot happen without leaving traces on the mood of the unfaithful partner. The feelings that manifest the most when one is guilty of infidelity are mainly outbursts of sudden anger , sadness, anxiety, euphoria, excitement and even guilt . All these emotions suddenly alternate , making it difficult to determine the cause at first. In particular, episodes of anger and remorse often occur when during a conservation you begin to touch on certain issues concerning, in general, a love relationship or some programs for the future.
Mood swings and feelings of guilt also affect the life and health of the cheating husband (or wife). The most striking example is the lack of appetite or difficulty falling asleep and sleeping for several hours during the night.
What to do: First, you need to figure out if this fluctuating mood is due to external reasons, such as workplace concerns or not. If no explanation other than the betrayal seems to hold up, start asking your partner questions the moment he appears to you in remorse or sadness . By being helpful and affectionate, you could knock down the “wall” he has built around him and push him to talk to you .
5. Drastic decrease in time spent together
Whether you live under the same roof or hang out outside the home, every couple knows roughly how much time they spend together over the course of a week. A sign to discover a cheating is to assess whether the partner is significantly reducing the time spent on the relationship. Maybe you had made plans for your evening and a commitment happens just a few hours before that makes him unable to participate, he stays in the “office” long after working hours, dedicates himself with (too much) passion to the new recreational activity he has started or he constantly wants to see his friends without worrying about not seeing you.
The excessive search for space is certainly a symptom of the couple crisis , but it can also be an alarm bell for a betrayal.
What to do: At first try to tell your partner that you miss him, that you miss the time you spend with him even just for a romantic dinner. If you see that after this confession, he will begin to include you more, then the detachment may have been just a ” phase “. Otherwise, if he proves frustrated by your confidence and puts even more distance between you two, it’s a subconscious way to open your eyes.
6. Appearance of suspicious “traces”
Cinema tickets, receipts, unknown perfumes on clothes … there is no betrayal that leaves no material trace . Because, in fact, the chats on Whatsapp can be deleted as well as the computer and mobile phone can be blocked, but some small element is always forgotten and it is precisely this that facilitates in discovering the infidelity of the partner.
What to do: if you find more and more traces of which you do not explain the existence, try asking general questions first about the film you have recently seen, if they liked it and with whom they went to see it or if they have ever been in a certain restaurant for which you found the receipt … If he does not answer honestly, then it is time to get suspicious , check if he has left some mistake of the reservations on the computer or put him in a corner.
7. Continued request for privacy
The level of privacy within a couple varies from case to case . There are partners who say everything about each other since the first months, confiding in any episode and quietly leaving cell phones and social networks “in the hands of the other. Instead, in some more lasting relationships, such as between a wife and husband there is a much higher level of privacy, as it has always been since the beginning of their history.
What should alert you is if your partner, overnight, needs a lot more privacy than usual without any explanation. For example, he locks himself in a room when he has never done it before, insists on washing his things separately, or no longer receives his personal mail at your home address.
What to do: in this case the technique to discover the betrayal comes by itself, because it will be he, with his behavior, to tell you that he is doing something that he is afraid you will know.