A relationship as a couple has ups and downs, but for it to be strong and lasting it must be based on several fundamental pillars.
The limited scripts of some romantic movies have led us to believe that true love is the one that appears at first sight, when the protagonists meet one afternoon in a cafe. One or another little problem comes up, they get over it…, and they are happy ever after.
In real life, true love is built and is being built day by day. Not one or another little problem comes along, but several communication problems, different ways of seeing life, crises, and so on. The relationship must be watered like a plant that we want to be big, strong and beautiful: storms will come that will drown it, but you must have the tools to give it proper care.
We share with you the four pillars that, from our experience, we consider essential in the relationship:
Communication and dialogue
By itself, communication is super important in any interpersonal relationship, but a relationship requires much more communication. The person you have started dating or have chosen to spend the rest of your life with is not a fortune teller, they are not able to read your mind. If you don’t tell him what you want or don’t like, he won’t be able to tell.
It is much easier if between the two you encourage communication and dialogue. This applies both for the good times and for the discussions that they could have. We cannot forget that good communication and dialogue also require being open to listening and understanding the other.
But, to be able to talk openly with your partner about different topics, you need to trust them and feel confident. Being confident is knowing and knowing who you are with.
It is not healthy for you or for the person to be vigilant, obsessively stalking the networks to see who they interact with, or looking for an opportunity to check their cell phone.
Mistrust breaks the pillar of their courtship. Why would you be with someone with whom you constantly feel afraid that they might betray you? On this occasion, apply the pillar of communication, to clarify any doubts or suspicions that may arise along the way.
On the other hand, feeling confident is the full opportunity you have to be yourself and create bonds of friendship with that person. It is having some degree of mutual commitment. To accompany each other in all situations, to know that they can count on each other; even to trust to share the projects and goals that you have personally.
The ideal, to which we should all aspire, is to form a courtship in which the dignity of the other always prevails. Just like you, your partner deserves to be treated with love and understanding. Dignity is something that human beings cannot lose under any circumstances.
Love / Love Languages
At the beginning we said that love is built. Sometimes it is built with dialogue, other times with trust and respect. But at this point we want to talk specifically that there are many ways to let the other know that you love them and how important they are to you.
Each one values certain actions more than others, depending on their own love language. Some prefer gifts, others are very happy when words of affection and support are spoken to them, there are those who greatly enjoy a good quality time together, and others feel deeply loved with acts of service.
Our advice is that you both discover your love languages. From our experience, it will help you a lot when it comes to expressing and receiving love in your relationship. It doesn’t matter if they’re just starting out, if they’ve been dating for years, or if they’re already married.
An extra: patience
We could not put aside the experience of chastity, especially for those who are engaged.
For us as a couple, patience has been a fundamental pillar on our path as lovers for almost nine years now. We chose each other two years ago, getting engaged, and we are soon to be married. It has not been easy to build this pillar, like the others, but it has been key in our relationship.
If, like us, you are living a courtship waiting for total dedication, start building this pillar. Patience is the virtue that teaches you to wait for something or someone, hoping that it will be totally worth it.